Saturday, May 15, 2010

good morning, dostoevsky


"Above all, avoid lies, all lies, especially the lie to yourself. Keep watch on your own lie and examine it every hour, every minute. And avoid contempt, both of others and of yourself: what seems bad to you in yourself is purified by the very fact that you have noticed it in yourself. And avoid fear, though fear is simply that consequence of every lie. Never be frightened at your own faintheartedness in attaining love, and meanwhile do not even be frightened by your own bad acts.

I am sorry that I cannot say anything more comforting, for active love is a harsh and fearful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go as far as the giving even of one's life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps, a whole science. But I predict that even in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment--I predict this to you--you will suddenly reach your goal and will clearly behold over you the wonder-working power of the Lord, who all the while has been loving you, and all the while has been mysteriously guiding you."

-The Brothers Karamazov

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

happy hour

We solve
love & all mysteries
(or most of them)
a little fuzzy
from the three-dollar beer.
Why not, on a Tuesday night?

So I proclaim
face still flushed
with the house red:

We deserve to be
ecstatic !


Ecstatic ! (they echo)
all the time? You can't
mean that, you

t w e n t y - f i v e.

We speak openly,
the wheels
suitably oiled,
we have loosened collars,
left off filters.

Still I watch us
turn ever-opaque eyes in,
attempt to screech curtains shut
discrete, lightning-quick.

I watch histories shift, asking,
inventory-taking
each life:

have I ever been?

Have I ever been?