full&complete

On what should be beautiful days of rest, like this Saturday morning, I find my mind moves at its fastest. Is anyone else like this? The first real spot of peace, and I'm off in a million directions: clubs I could start at work, poems I ought to write, books I ought to re-read, friends I can't believe I lost touch with, goals and accolades which I ought to eventually work for, places I should move, letters I've got to write. Mind you, I'm not working on anything this morning, I am simply dreaming, reading a book and drinking coffee. So it's not a productive musing. It's chaotic and guilt-inducing. And mostly, annoying.

A few Januaries back, I resolved to pause for a full and complete stop at every single stop sign. (I live in a town with no traffic lights, so the resolution was sure to be tested.) It was not only tested, as most resolutions are, it fell completely by the wayside (as most resolutions do) and the result of that was a horribly wasted day last spring, slogging through the slowest online traffic school in the history of the World Wide Web.

The goal of my failed resolution was to give myself the reminder to stop. Just stop, even if only for two seconds of the day. The hope was that this habit would work its way into other areas of my life.

I'm invoking the spirit of that failed resolution this morning, to give myself permission to just roll back and feel that pure moment of suspension before I continue racing forward--sip my third cup of coffee, (oh right, my resolution to give up caffiene? failed.) look up at the mountains, and be alright with a full and complete stop.